“Why Am I Like This?” – What Our Social Media Habits Reveal About Us

It’s 1:10 am. You’re scrolling again. You were just meant to check that one notification, but now you’re 47 minutes deep into a random influencer’s storytime reels. You feel a pit in your stomach because they are in Bali, and you’re in bed, sleepless and sad. You don't even remember how you got there. But somewhere in that scroll spiral, a little voice asks—“Why am I like this?”

As a therapist who works with adolescents and young adults, I hear this question often. Not always in these exact words, but in the sighs after someone shares how lost or left out they feel, or the anxiety that creeps up when they're away from their phone. Sometimes, I feel it in my own frantic feeling around for my phone– almost like a phantom limb, always lingering somewhere in the back of my mind out of habit.. Social media, in all its immediacy and intimacy, has become a mirror—and sometimes, a magnifying glass of who we are becoming as individuals. 

But here’s the thing: our online behaviour, which essentially trains our algorithm, isn’t random. It’s deeply intertwined with our attachment patterns, our unmet needs, and the little parts of ourselves that are still looking for connection, validation, and meaning. Mindless scrolling without awareness of these needs, patterns and parts teaches this algorithm more about what keeps us stuck. 

Let’s break it down.

1. The Validation Loop

Ever noticed the rush of dopamine when someone likes your post? Or the slump when a story doesn’t get views? For many of us, especially teenagers, this taps into early attachment needs. If we didn’t consistently feel “seen” or “gotten” as children, the algorithm becomes our new caregiver. The more engagement we get, the more “okay” we feel. But this high is short-lived. And then we’re back on the app, hungry for the next hit of reassurance.

2. Curated Selves and Real Selves

Social media lets us build idealised versions of ourselves. The right filters, the clever captions, the perfect angles. For younger Millennials and older Gen-Z, this is similar to how they used to play dress-up games online or create the ideal Sims character- it’s another way we have gamified the perfect life. But behind the scenes, there’s often pain, confusion, or insecurity. For adolescents forming their identities, this curated persona can feel like both a performance and a lifeline. “If I don’t post, do I even exist?” someone once asked me in session.

Therapy gives us space to explore that question. It helps us distinguish between the self we perform and the self we are and move toward integration rather than fragmentation. Posting content and feeling good about our online persona isn’t inherently evil– it just needs to be paired with curious exploration of our real self.

3. Doomscrolling and Avoidance

Sometimes we scroll to escape. The endless political opinions, the equally pressing opposing political opinions, the aesthetically pleasing productivity influencers, the viral relationship advice videos—they can all keep us safely distracted from our own feelings. But over time, that avoidance builds up into anxiety. The things we’re not addressing don’t disappear; they simmer beneath the surface.

If this is sounding familiar, you’re not broken. You’re human. And your social media habits are often coping mechanisms born out of unmet and often misunderstood emotional needs.

The Takeaway

At Smarā Therapy, we don’t demonise your scrolls. We get curious about them. What are they protecting you from? What do they reveal about your inner world? Therapy is the space where we connect those dots, gently and collaboratively. So, if we were to begin speaking about that late-night spiral, and an influencer’s trip to Bali in our session, it won’t end with me asking you to care less about the lives of Instagram influencers. We would probably explore that heavy feeling that went along with it, what vacations mean to you, what they meant to you growing up and even your relationship with other such content. 

I would urge you to stop and rethink, what is keeping me stuck?

And next time you catch yourself asking, “Why am I like this?”—I would urge you to try flipping it to, “What has made me feel I needed this?” 

It’s a softer, more compassionate starting point because all parts of you deserve to be understood- even the curated one.